A blog? Who blogs anymore? What is this 2005?
I’ll tell you why. For me, it’s a sign of health. It’s a practice that contributes to my well being just like eating well and exercising would.
Four years ago, I walked into a therapist’s office.
“So, Meagen tell me about yourself and why are you here?” She asked.
A shooting, A pipe break, and mold, OH MY
I had recently narrowly escaped a major mental breakdown. After years of above average stress and anxiety, a confluence of events on a single day transpired, and I lost my ability to cope. The details of that experience and my path through it is a story for another day. When I thought about the therapist’s question, this is what I said.
the compulsion to write
“I have had this nagging feeling for a long time that I want to write. I’ve been writing my entire career, but using other people’s words to weave together stories people relate to. I know I have my own stories to tell, and I can’t seem to type a single word. I am not blocked. I am silenced. And the hands around my throat are my own.” I responded.
impressions vs reality
If you’ve ever spent any time with me in person, it might come as a surprise to you that I have trouble expressing myself. People say I come across as confident. I am often assumed to be extroverted. Students and co-workers have called me intimidating (before they get to know me of course!). There’s something about the permanence of the written word and the intention I put into my writing that raises the stakes for me.
a writer finds her voice
Slowly, over time, I was able to unpack all of the things contributing to my inability to tell my stories. My ideas about how my family would respond. My stories about how society would react. My fears and anxieties I used as excuses to avoid self-expression. I still don’t have all the answers. Daily, I sweet-talk the protective voices in my head telling me to be quiet. To stay small.
why blog?
After two years, the words started to flow. Now, the writing is like a firehose. There’s too much for me to make sense of and shape into something just yet. Now that the writing is easier, I’m more patient for a result or an outcome. This blog serves as a way to commit to the practice publicly. To make sure I’m not still hiding and silencing myself.
Here I am. I hope you find something of value here. I’ve written it with you in mind.