My goals and ideas
for how I spend
my time
during our family vacation
never quite line up
with reality.
I imagined reading books
to help me
Improve my writing
Fix my kids
Change my diet
I planned to use the time to
write and
paint and
draw and
walk
Wandering like Thoreau
contemplating life’s mysteries
and paradoxes.
Illustrating solutions for those
less disciplined than I.
Instead
I cleaned the pantry
calling an exterminator to
rid me of the ants
that found the open marshmallows
leftover from the s’mores
we made in the fireplace
every night of vacation.
I organized the garage
purging 1000 allen wrenches
while reassuring
my worried husband
that we still have 100 more
allen wrenches
organized by size,
(Don’t mess it up)
while he sat in a
folding chair
reading chemistry papers
he wrote in undergrad
100 years ago.
I bought and wrapped
100 presents
immediately forgetting
what I bought the minute
it went under the tree.
I stood in line to ship gifts
that will not arrive on time.
I cooked for 12 hours
the meal my family requested.
Using my breaks
to build a red Lego Ferrari
while doing algorithmic
math in my head
so that seven dishes
are all done
in one oven
at the exact same moment.
I took pictures of hawks
to grasp onto something
creative
desperate to make something
that will be permanent
that will serve
that will leave my mind
to make room
for more.