At the beginning of 2018 I decided to create a really strong, challenging resolution for myself.
DO LESS FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
As I reflected on this resolution to do LESS for others, I felt pretty damn good about it. I still feel good about it. VICTORIOUS even. I slipped up now and then. My desire to eat things that taste good and are good for me led me to prepare more nutritious colorful meals than I would have liked to make. Running a tiny restaurant seven days a week is taxing. But I did make FAR FEWER nutritious meals than normal. One child has subsisted on bean and cheese burritos for at least six months. However, they were home made, so I hope to do worse next year. You can email recommendations for good frozen brands.
I took absolutely ZERO unpaid work. I did not volunteer for one committee, I did not attend one PTA meeting. I did not raise my hand in work meetings to take on surprise responsibilities lobbed into the center of the room. I did not agree to put in hours of blood sweat and tears on projects with no budgets and no guaranteed payment upon sale. In fact, I didn’t take or look for any freelance work. I only did my full time university teaching job. I did not coach any of my kids teams. I did not take positions beyond membership in organizations I care about. I did not get a puppy (BUT HOLY MOSES I WANT ONE).
I did not meditate. I also did not beat myself up (much) for not meditating.
What did I do then?
I became a really strong runner. I did a lot of Yoga. I started regular three times a week pilates for the first time at my local YMCA.
I began a morning writing practice after reading Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies. This book revolutionized my creative life and I became an evangelist and hope to teach its wisdom in 2019.
You can take the quiz to determine your tendency. I’m an Obliger. If you’re interested go read what that means, and then don’t ask me for anything.
I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote. I use a program called Scrivener.
I wrote the first draft of a memoir, a book of poetry (didn’t see that one coming myself) and a bunch of blog posts about my trip to India (coming soon)
Here are the respective writing tallies.
I’m not done writing. I’m not ready to hit publish on most of what I wrote. But this was a GIANT goal and milestone for me. I’ve spent most of my life as a writer. First as a News Reporter and Producer, then as a Director and Producer for reality and documentary. Those were always someone else’s words and someone else’s story though. For the first time, I’m struggling to string my stories into a narrative that makes sense. For now, my commitment is to putting my ass in the chair every day and writing a “shitty first draft” to quote my patron saint Anne Lammott.
I’m not saying any of this to brag. I’m sharing to show you that sometimes by doing less, you get a lot more done. By giving to yourself first, you have more to give other people. On the days I committed to my writing practice and exercise, I was KINDER to my family and friends. In the weeks where I gave time and energy to myself FIRST, I grew less resentful of the needs of the people I love. And they are NEEDY. In fact, on the days I poured my heart out on a page and ran my ass off I had MORE energy and focus at the end of the day. On days I surrender my needs to the demands of other people, I find my brow furrowed and my resentment growing by bed time. It happens. Kids get sick, emergencies occur, miscommunications throw off schedules, kids get random days off school for no discernable reason while adults continue their regular work schedules. I get thrown. I surrender. I reset. I get my ass back in the chair. I feel my feet on the floor. I sip my Rooibos or Chai tea and I get to work.